11. Acting like you’re a highly wanted man
As one woman, I can’t speak for all women. But as a dating writer who lives and breathes dating with people across the internet (along with this viral Reddit thread from over 6,000 women), I can speak for many women.
There’s this odd narrative out there that a six-pack, handsome face, and a fat stack of Benjamins in your wallet will attract a woman. And sure, you might attract someone who only cares about those things, but you won’t attract someone you want to be in a relationship with.
In fact, some of the above — especially mixed with a big ego — are at the top of the list of turn-offs for me and all the women closest to me. But until a woman actually points this out, I don’t blame you for thinking otherwise.
While this article isn’t meant for you to pretend to be someone you’re not, it’s an opportunity for you to question your behaviors and make changes wherever necessary.
Because dating is hard enough, you don’t want to be your own biggest obstacle.
- Being too into yourself. Confidence is great, but please don’t confuse that with a big ego. You don’t have to boast about yourself for us to like you. Just be genuine, tell us about your passions, and don’t forget to be interested in what we have to say (unless you’re not, in which case, why are you dating?)
- Bad hygiene. When you meet someone new, first impressions are everything. If you smell bad or look like you slept in the clothes you’re wearing, it’s a major turn-off. That’s not superficial. It’s simply sanitary.
- Needing always to be right. You won’t always be right. The odds aren’t on your side. Disrespecting our views along your quest for an ego boost will leave us asking for the bill.
- Not being able to laugh at yourself. A charming quality in a guy is humility. No one is perfect, and if you can’t admit when you mess-up and learn to move past it, the relationship will feel too fragile.
- Trying to sleep with someone after a mediocre date. I’d like to think that men know when there’s a great connection and when there isn’t. Yet, plenty of men continue to assume that a first date will lead to spending the night together. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, your best bet is to wait for anything sexual to happen and get to know the woman first.
- You’re not working on yourself. We know you follow Gary Vee and the likes for hustling hard to make money. You can put in the effort to recognizing your childhood traumas and not letting them affect the people in your life.
- Having too high of expectations from your partner. If you need a woman who always wears makeup, works out four times a week, and dresses in heels, please be upfront. It will save the woman you’re on a date with a night wasted with someone whose expectations are superficial.
- Not being loyal to your friends. I’ve been with men who would sabotage their friendships to get ahead in their careers. I’d be kidding myself not to assume they’d do the same to me if they had the chance.
- The assumption that we need to be saved. The trope of prince-charming coming in to save the princess might’ve made for great Disney movies, but this is 2020. We don’t need you to save us because we’re not failing. In fact, we’re thriving.
- Treating your mother badly. It’s one thing not to have a relationship with your mom, but it’s a whole other thing to have a relationship but treat her like she’s a burden you never asked for. Women know that how a man treats his mom is usually indicative of how they treat women altogether.
- Acting like you’re a highly wanted man. No woman is going to hear that and think, “oh wow, I need to get him before someone else does!” It’ll either offend someone with high self-esteem or make your date feel insecure. Neither of those is a good outcome for you.
- Waiting days to text back. Playing games is a thing of the past. Many women are realizing that they’re not interested in someone who doesn’t have reliable communication and shows they’re interested.
- Talking about your ex (a lot). If they naturally come up in the conversation, great. But if you’re talking too much about them, your date will start to wonder if you’re still hung up on your ex. If you are, that’s OK, but maybe you’re not ready to date yet.
- Following a bunch of bikini models on Instagram. This is a touchy topic, so let me clarify: It’s not that we’re insecure about our own bodies compared to the women you follow. Hell, most of us don’t even care about that women’s choice of career path. What we care about is respect.
- Constantly being negative. No one appreciates a Negative Ned. A relationship is supposed to be an addition to your life that lifts you up. Your date won’t want to keep seeing you if you’re always bringing the vibe down.
- Telling us how you’re a “nice guy.” If you have to say you’re a “nice guy,” you’re probably not a nice guy. By now, women know that a man who gets defensive about being nice is someone who’s hiding something.
- Not respecting our boundaries. When we say that your jokes are offensive or we don’t want to go home with you, and you persist with your ways, it makes women feel unsafe. Boundaries are the only way we maintain safety when meeting someone new. Please respect them.
- Aggressive masculinity. You want to fight the bartender because he looked at me in a flirty way? Why is that? Because it’s not going to impress a woman. If anything, it’s going to scare her away.
- Love-bombing. Putting on a front that you’re a sweet person when you’re actually critical and short-tempered isn’t doing either of you a favor. Either work on yourself or find a person who will put up with that from the get-go.
- Calling us the c-word (or any woman for that matter). I’m not referring to c*nt because that one is pretty obvious. But calling a woman crazy (that includes your ex) won’t go over well for you.
- Mansplaining. I know it’s shocking, but women can understand things without you talking slowly or explaining the most basic concepts. In fact, we probably don’t need you to explain because we already understand how football and the stock market work.
- Feeling entitled. Just because you paid for dinner doesn’t mean you are entitled to sex, a kiss, or anything—hard stop.
- Making jokes at our expense. You might think it’s light-hearted, but you can usually tell by a woman’s reaction if she was offended. If so, apologize and move on.
- Interrupting. It’s a rude habit that comes off like you don’t care. Interrupting someone isn’t a great communication skill in any aspect of life, but especially dating.
- Sending unsolicited d*ck pics. I’ve written about this before, and somehow, men still think women want them, so here are cold, hard statistics. 75% of women don’t want them.
This list isn’t comprehensive, and some women are exceptions. They’re simply guides to go off of if your goal is to find a thriving relationship.
To sum things up, your best bet is to treat your dates well, don’t expect a ton from them, be as interested in them as you are in yourself, and always show respect. It’s not that complicated, and hopefully, having things listed out for you will lead you to a better dating life.